


Numb

by ilovejared



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, M/M, POV Soulless Sam Winchester, Soulless Pining, Soulless Sam Winchester, Soulless Sam can pine after his brother too, Wincest - Freeform, You heard me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 12:29:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17059799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovejared/pseuds/ilovejared
Summary: Soulless Sam ponders the future....and the past.





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Sam sighed and closed his laptop, plunging the dingy motel into semi-darkness. A streetlight outside the room filtered through the thin curtains stretched across the window.

He stood and stretched, arms above his head, stiff from combing the internet for a case the past three hours. Maybe he should go for a run, get rid of the tension that always seemed to be there, right beneath his skin, an itch that could be scratched momentarily with exercise or a hunt or with sex. He couldn’t find a hunt and his body was sore from the paces he had put it though this morning.

The digital numbers on the bedside table glowed red. It’s was half past two in the morning in a crap little town in the middle of Nowhere, Iowa and he was restless, dammit.

A woman might do the trick but his prospects seemed slim to none in finding a willing woman this time of night and he preferred privacy when he was fucking and privacy was at a premium right now

Sam looked at his older brother, snoring softly in one of the double beds and wondered why he had decided to hunt with him again.

He had done just fine by himself for a year. He’d had Samuel and the rest of the clan for back-up when he needed or wanted it and that had been enough

Or so he thought.

One of the first things he had done when he had woke up in that field, after shouting himself hoarse, trying to get that goddamn angel to talk to him, was to head to Lisa’s. To Dean.

Maybe it was just out of habit. His whole life,Dean had been there, had his back, protected him. Loved him.

But he had stood on the sidewalk in front of a pretty little suburban house and watched Dean with his new family and he had felt…..nothing.

Looking at his brother now, relaxed in sleep, he found that he wanted to touch him. Well, he wanted to do more than touch.

He wanted to take. And, maybe, be taken in return.

Just to see if there was really nothing of his previous self left inside.

The thing was he could remember what is was like be loved by Dean. Not just as his little brother, but wholly, completely like he was Dean’s world.

And Dean had been his.

When he had been growing up, he had looked up to Dean with something akin to hero worship. His big brother had been larger than life, tough as nails and Sam had tried to emulate him in every way.

Dean had also been safety and home and love.

Then Sam had hit puberty and had looked at his big brother in an all together different way.

He had noticed the play of muscles on Dean’s back as he washed the impala. The way his ass flexed and moved in his tight underwear as he walked across every room they shared. The pink plush lips that Sam wanted to kiss and lick and bite. The dusting of freckles that seemed to be well…..everywhere.

And those emerald green eyes, framed by long lashes that would make any girl jealous. Sam was aware of the way they stared at him with the same longing that Sam had discovered within himself.

They had become lovers and the two of them had been enough for the other,

Sam had needed no one else. Even Dean, who still flirted and attempted to charm every woman he came into contact with, did nothing in the end.

He was Sam’s as surely as Sam was his.

And then Heaven and Hell had conspired to separate them, to turn one brother against the other. But they had always found their way back to each other.

This time was different.

Both Sam and Dean had known something was different from that first hug at the Campbell compound after Sam had saved his brother from the djinn poisoning.

And now, they had found he was soulless. Sam wondered if he would really ever get his soul back.

He had been okay when he had had been doing nothing but hunting. To not feel guilt, remorse, fear had made him an even more formidable hunter.

None of it had mattered. Until now.

He enjoyed the physicality of his existence. Hunting and fucking were the things that had kept him going after returning from the cage.

But now, if he was being honest, neither gave him much satisfaction.

He remembered how things had been between him and Dean and for the first time in over a year, he wanted to feel.

Memories came with a ghost of the emotions he had experienced as his former self. There was pain and guilt and self-loathing.

But there had also been love so intense that everything else paled in comparison. There had been elation and wonder. There had been hope.

There had been passion between them that never seemed to be sated. He remembered what it had felt like to be riding his brother, feeling so full, grinding himself down, hard, then harder and faster, chasing a release so intense he would scream his brother’s name when he came.

He also remembered rocking into Dean, taking it slow, seeing Dean writhe underneath him, burying himself in his brother’s heat, drawing it out for the both of them. Dean would finally wrap his legs around Sam’s waist, urging Sam deeper, burying his face in Sam’s shoulder to muffle his sounds of pleasure.

Then there had been the times when they would lie facing each other just kissing for what seemed like hours. Simply enjoying the feel and the taste of each other.

Sam found that he missed that feeling of contentment that he had found in his brother’s arms.

Even now, he could remember that feeling. He wanted it.

And he knew Dean wanted him still, even as he was, because he was still his little brother. He was still Sam.

He stripped down to his briefs then laid down beneath covers, wrapping his arms around his brother.

Dean’s eyes flew open, then focused on the familiar face in front of him.

“Sam, what are you doing?” Dean’s tone was wary and gruff with sleep.

“I’m hugging you, Dean.”

“Okay.” Dean cleared his throat. “Why?”

Sam rolled his eyes.”Why do you think?” He laid his head on Dean’s shoulder, snuggling closer. “You could hug me back.”

“Sam-”

“Dean, I think I need this. If we can’t get my soul back-” Dean tried to protest but Sam continued, “If we can’t, I’m going to need your help. I’m going to need you.”

“I remember what what we were like together, what that felt like.” He paused when he felt Dean’s arms envelop him. “I want to feel something again, Dean.”

“Well, that ‘s definitely a step in the right direction.” Dean took a deep breath then let it out slowly. “It’s just a little unexpected, Sammy.”

Sam raised his head so he could look at Dean. “Well, I don’t sleep so I have a lot of time to think.”

Dean chuckled. “Well, that’s still a little creepy.”

Giving Dean time to pull away, Sam brought his lips to Dean’s. It was a chaste kiss and they both wanted more. They could see the truth of it in each others eyes.

They lay with their arms around the other and finally Dean drifted off to sleep.

For the first time, in well over a year, Sam could feel a tendril of something……..

It felt like home.


End file.
